November 19, 2004

What the world's most beloved Lost Boy taught Kate Winslet and Johnny Depp about the magic of parenting

Story by Josh Young
Photos by Jason Bell

When you read a book as a child, you hear the words and see the pictures, but you rarely grasp the story's nuances or the author's underlying intentions. Reread that same book as an adult - perhaps with your own kids - and the complexities and sharp edges come to light. That's what Peter Pan fans Johnny Depp, 41, and Kate Winslet, 29, experienced while making Finding Neverland, a film about playwright J.M. Barrie and his friendship with the children who became the inspiration for the world's most beloved Lost Boy. Here, Depp (father of Lily-Rose, 5, and Jack, 2) and Winslet (mother of Mia, 4, and Joe, 11 months) share their private history with the classic tale and explain why they never want their own children to (completely) grow up.

What's your earliest Peter Pan memory?

DEPP: The Disney animated film. It's a great little movie, but it didn't have the full effect of the book. I didn't read the book until much later, as an adult.

Did anything stay with you from the movie?

DEPP: [Smiles] It was probably the beginning of my obsession with pirates.

Kate, were you a fan of the Lost boys too?

WINSLET: I can't remember a time when I didn't know about Peter Pan. If you're British, it's much more a part of your heritage. I remember trying to leap off the couch when I was 8, and involving my brother. We really believed we could fly. There were loads of bruises.

So what does Peter Pan mean to you now?

DEPP: Growing old is unavoidable, but never growing up is possible. I believe you can retain certain things from your childhood if you protect them - certain traits, certain places where you don't let the world go.

WINSLET: It's true. There's a part of yourself that you can keep very much to yourself, for your own imagination, your own sense of fantasy. This film is very important because in today's world, it's harder for kids to do that. They're exposed to monstrous things from a much earlier age. I took the train to school [by myself] from age 11. That would be unheard of today.

How do you keep that magic alive for your kids - especially in today's stormy world?

DEPP: You have to be honest with your kids about the world but also do your best to protect them. When I was a kid, we watched the Vietnam War on the six o'clock news, and it was desensitizing. You felt you were watching a war film; meanwhile you were really watching these guys getting blown to bits. Parents need to protect their kids from watching that stuff.

WINSLET: The only instinct you can have as a parent is to make sure your kids are happy and secure. But you can't keep them in the dark all their lives. You can't let them believe in Father Christmas until they're 15.

But when your child is younger, you still want her to believe in the tooth fairy, right?

DEPP: What's very confusing for them is why there are people who want to take Mommy and Daddy's photograph. So we have a little game where we hide our face in Daddy's shoulder. When we get in the car and we've passed all the photographers, then we can bring our face out. They don't need to be exposed to the absurdity of that frenzy. Lily-Rose asks, "Why do they want to take your picture?" My answer is always the same: "I don't know." Because I don't.

WINSLET: For me, this whole predicament is interesting because Mia lives with me and her stepdad [director Sam Mendes] and not her real dad... That is private... It certainly isn't something I want her to read about in the papers.

What scared you when you first became a parent?

WINSLET: I had a panic because I suddenly thought, "God, I don't know any nursery rhymes." Of course I did, but they get buried under the crap life deals you. After a few months, it comes flooding back. When you have children, you become a child again. You have to get back in touch with the child in you to communicate with your kids and understand them.

In the movie, Neverland is, essentially, a metaphor for Heaven. Describe your Neverland.

WINSLET: My Neverland is where my family is - where I am happiest.

DEPP: The idea behind Neverland is, from your imagination make your dream life. I don't have to close my eyes to see it because I live with it every day - with my kids, my girl, and my life. It's as perfect as it could possibly be.